the story behind the song: "You Didn't Know It Was Me"

I wanted to write and offer some background behind the first song that Michael and I wrote together, “You Didn’t Know It Was Me”.

A few years back, our family went through one of life’s most difficult experiences with my younger brother, Greg. His marriage ended very abruptly, leaving him understandably grieved and wondering where God was for him in all of it. All of us were at a profound loss as to what to say to console him. One day, in particular, I remember hanging up from a conversation with him in which I felt like I had failed to offer anything hopeful or helpful, and I sat down and wrote the words that would become this song.

Hopefully listeners can recognize some of the imagery on which “You Didn’t Know It Was Me” is based.The Old Testament prophet Hosea gives voice to God’s sadness at the distance our sinfulness has placed between us, likening our relationship to him as that of an unfaithful spouse to a lovingly faithful husband. But we also find in the 11^th chapter some of the most tender images in all of Sacred Scripture. Here God’s deep and abiding love is revealed: a God, who like a parent to Israel, has loved us and raised us, though we “did not know that (God) was (our) healer.” I once heard it explained that Jesus may have found inspiration in this very scripture passage as he seems to have used it as the basis for his parable of the Prodigal Son.

So initially, this song was about something different than what it grew into as it took form and shape. While it started to be about my brother and his broken relationship, it came to be much more about me and my brokenness and need for God. The phrase, “and ‘why me’ was your only refrain,” came out of the way I felt when my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2002. In my shock and pain, I somehow forgot everything I have known or believed about God’s faithful love and went to a dark place that suggested that my dad's suffering was some kind of a punishment for my sins. Upon more reflection and soul-searching prayer, I’ve come to believe even more strongly in the God who has carved my name into his very flesh (Isaiah 49:16), drawing me into an embrace of intimate friendship with bands of love.

In truth, that’s why Michael Vrazel is singing this piece on this recording instead of me. It still touches something deep in me that I can’t quite put my finger on and it prohibits me from getting through it without being overtaken by waves of emotion. I wonder where it finds our listeners and if you can hear a bit of yourself in this piece? If that's the case, I'd love to hear from you.